Open Up, Let It Out

A few weeks ago I asked a friend about vulnerability — to be able to live in honesty and truth of your life, boundaries, emotions, to push past fear. It’s frightening to live with your heart fully exposed and be honest with yourself and others. I cannot bottle things up. I have discovered that when I do, I become stressed, angry or sick, I am not my best or true self.

Too many people keep things behind locked doors in their heart, consciously or subconsciously and it causes a whole host of problems. Our physical, mental, emotional bodies are all part of our energetic structure as living human organisms. When out of balance, separated or blocked we enter into a state of dis-ease.

We need to honor ourselves, and our emotions. I wanted to share a vulnerable moment with you. These emotions will pass like the clouds in the sky, when the rain falls it will offer cleansing and clarity and healing begins. A new dawn arrives with new awareness, lessons and strength to keep moving forward. We never know the entire story or journey of another soul, but as connected creatures, we are not alone.

We all have hearts, heart breaks and fears. What I know is that our heart is meant to break open fully to expand us to all the possibilities that await us in this lifetime and there is truly nothing to fear. Much Love.

:: Holistic DIVA UNPLUGGED ::

It’s happening. I knew it was coming, the release of tears, the letting go, the pain, sadness and disappointment that has been infecting my soul.

Please leave, I don’t want you here anymore.

I can’t stop loving people, but I want this to leave my body, my mind.

The love will never leave my heart.

I wish I could hold them and kiss them one more time, but that chance I had to do so I was turned away. I know it’s not “me” they turned away, but it still hurts, tears still fall. I kneel in this puddle hoping to be cleansed and renewed.

God dammit… it hurts.

Please release me.

Release me now.

The time is over, contract up.

I want to be free from this fucking sadness, from the toxic lies and manipulation. I sit, soaked, misunderstood and will love in silence.

In silence, I find the love that is mine.

The love that is me.

Love is the Way

Life shows us what we need to see as a gift to open and expand our hearts and minds. Last night, offered me amazing gifts.

I will not live in a man-made prison.

Fear is a killer.

Stress is a killer.

Resentment is a killer.

We are born to be who we are.

Denying our purpose is a killer.

I do not fear death.

I fear a life not lived in the ocean of love and freedom.

People live in fear of so many things, afraid that life will crush them is they open their tender hearts to wide and experience the vastness of this amazing experience we call life.

Crush me open, even more, again and again, so I do not suffer the torment I witnessed last night.

Compassion is key.

Kindness is key.

Forgiveness is freedom.

Love is the way.

love.life.now.

It’s gone in a blink.

A Mystery

There is something about eye recognition

A soul resonance

The memory of a voice

And a gentle touch that reminds me

Of something so beautiful.

The remembrance

And the mystery.

The known

And the unknown

Yet when the eyes connect

And the energy ignites

You know

You have been in this space before.

I am captivated by the unknown

A fire of curiosity

And those eyes

I have seen before.

Where I have seen them before

Remains

A Mystery.

Love Lessons

It feels strange to be writing a thank you note to some that will not see it and to the many that I could not possibly address individually. I sit in awe and gratitude as I can see how everyone and experience has been such an intricate part of my current existence and growth. There is gratitude for family and friends for their love and support during all of my ups and downs. For the kind strangers that pass on by or the ones that stay awhile; there are gifts in every exchange. For the angry beasts and the creatures that sting, I thank them all.

Tonight I want to thank some of the men that have crossed my path and have made a significant impact on opening my eyes, heart and soul and have been part of an empowerment process and realignment. I would thank them each individually and in some cases I have, but this is truly significant to the evolution of me.

I have stated many times that every relationship we have is a love lesson. Whether it be with a relative, friend, stranger or lover, but most importantly with ourselves.

I thank my father, for being part of my creation, even though we have not been close, I know he has loved me in his way. I expected more from him and did not understand for the longest time why he could not be what I wanted. They say you pick your parents and I have begun to discover why I picked this man as my father. I have learned acceptance, compassion and that love is alive even in distance.

I am grateful for a man who spent half his life and created two earth angels with me. At a cross roads he said to me, “You deserve to be happy. I can’t hold you back and I will always be here for you.” He taught me that even great change and letting go of great plans, love still lives, even when it changes form.

I am grateful for an old friend, that woke me up with one question that forever changed my life. He walked me to the fire and watched me walk through it. I learned that once a person touches your heart, they are always with you. Love never dies.

I am grateful for a stranger that became a profound teacher and friend, who challenged me like no other, broke me wide open to see who I really am. He held a sacred space for me to fight my demons, break old patterns, unlock the chains and find the power within myself again. He brought me to the edge and taunted me to fly.

I am grateful for an international journey, discussions over tea, adventures in a black cab, long talks through the forest and a tenderness and passion I have never known. He showed me the stars, limitless possibilities and encouraged me to travel where I needed to go.

Thank you, my loves, for all the lessons that brought me back home.

We all have our journeys unique to us.

Our love lessons are what we need to grow deep in love with the individual expression that we are.

My wish is that we all find love in each breath we take

In the arms that we hold

And the ones we let go.

In the end it’s about us.

The love that we are and share.

Sharing and giving with no expectations,

Holding on to nothing but an eternal memory of endless love.

 

more to life

Sometimes, it’s beautiful to see a beloved sleeping, however,

There is a sadness when you see them sleep walking through the world.

They sleep through their pain; keep it hidden in the darkness,

Drown it in the denial of the existence they are living.

There is a false bravado of happiness that echos in the laughter

When the tears want to flow and the screams want to escape through the walls they have built up.

They have that inner voice and that sense of wanting more from life.

They are afraid to shed their layers, afraid to share their true voice and expose their tender heart.

I can see the longing

The yearning for more.

I feel your pain

And I see the infection of fear

That runs through your veins.

I want to kiss you awake.

I love them.

I love him

But I have to let them all go.

They have their own journey of discovery.

So, I left him sleeping, in a peaceful unrest.

I blew a kiss good bye with tears in my eyes

In the hopes someday,

All hearts

Will hear the call

Tear down the walls

And know…

That there is so much more to this life.

Love In The Moment

It’s so wild.

I swear, even in the struggles and chaos, this multidimensional existence is just breathtaking.

There is so much love everywhere.

Connecting with kindred souls and strangers that become lovers at first glance.

I am one grateful diva for the amazing experiences and magic I see all around me.

To be awake and observe how people and experiences come into your life to help you grow and expand.

You know that first glance, when their eyes just dive into the essence of your being?

The silent seduction that comes out of the blue?

And

Brings

You

To

Your

Knees.

You are on an adventure

To make love in each moment.

A glance.

A kiss.

A whisper

That penetrates the veil of human existence.

Holy Mother of God.

More please.

Words in Silence

He saw me

Moved my body

Stirred my soul

Whispered in my ear

And touched my hot flesh.

As he looked at me

There were words in the silence

And in each breath.

The holy communion of hearts and kindred souls.

To make love in each moment

To live a life turned on

And notice the bliss in each breath

This is heaven.

You Are Free

Kali energy is fierce.

I’ve been called self-absorbed.

In a way, yes.

My life as I knew it died and I’ve been picking up the pieces to rebuild what I wish for the future.

I know who I am, I have a compassionate heart, I give, I listen, I love.

So, forgive me for walking my path and taking time for me.

If my presence and story makes you uncomfortable,

I ask you why?

You wish to speak, speak.

I’m not holding anyone back from being who they are or feeling what they feel or walking their own road.

I have shared many times that we all have our wounds and struggles but we don’t own them, and uncertainly don’t offer mine to others.

But I do share my journey, with those that choose to walk beside me in the sun and the rain and can handle the winds that blow.

My heart and arms are always open.

If you need me.

I am here.

I will not own your wounds,

But I will hold you in my arms until the tears purify your heart and mind

So you can see

You are free.

Time to Fly

It’s happening, shifting,

Transforming before my eyes.

I feel my heart open more,

But this time for myself not for anyone else.

Oh the glorious freedom of standing in your own power

And knowing who you are and knowing your worth.

I am grateful for all the loves and all the lessons.

They have propelled me to this point.

And as the wind blows through the trees

It also dances with my hair in celebration

For the new breath I have felt tonight.

The Goddess rises in celebration

As love washes over my bare skin

As I stand naked in the rain.

I am complete within this supple flesh.

You may desire to taste the sweetness,

But if not careful may turn sour if your intention is not pure.

You may desire to swim in my ocean,

But you must be prepared not only to dive into the oasis,

But dive into the depths of your being first.

Oh sweet beloved, you have returned again.

I feel you with each breath as my chest rises and falls

And my body is moist with anticipation.

There are no more walls my love, just the open sky.

Hold my hand and together we will fly

And transcend this time and space to an eternal ecstasy.

Kiss me, my love and remember.

I Am

As I gestate in the darkness awaiting to emerge

I am simply floating consciousness.

Calm

Serene

Content

In an ocean so vast and open with countless currents of possibility,

I know not what awaits for me.

There is struggle.

There are storms.

There is a mind to reform.

I awake to see the sun

And see that light and dark

Merge as one.

Between the shades of gray I fly

With reflecting sunbeams in my eye.

I am not this flesh and blood you see.

I am love

I am life

I am humanity.