Love’s Acceptance

I’ve been shown Love, unconditional and true, so why, my dear, am I so afraid of you?

You see, I Loved with all my heart, only to be stripped bare, laying naked, discarded, filled with disappointment and despair. I’ve seen the pure hearts only to be fooled by the mind — that what I longed for was hiding deep inside.

It was buried beneath betrayal, lingering with the lies, wrapped up as abandonment, and violation of my thighs. These are old stories that have taken root in my heart and mind, so it’s foreign to me to be treated so kind.

To be honored with such reverence, compassionate and true, holding space for all my storms and sunsets too.

You’ve witnessed my journey and supported every step, you’ve held me in your wings, my dear, you have never left.
You’ve been here all along, rooting me all the way, and then one day you arrived so I could see your face someday.
You washed away my fears, so that I could see what I have been looking for was the love that was me.

The acceptance of myself, my deserving tender heart…

A memory of healing that will never part.

Gifts of the Sea

I’ve been in the kitchen peeling away layers,

Laying down and unraveling my heart strings.

I have come face to face with the devil

Only to hold the hands of Jesus.

I’ve been intimate with the darkness

Only to appreciate the sun

And the light that unites us as one.

In the ocean of emotion I am tested.

Do I surf the waves or get caught in the undertow?

There is something to be said about battling illusion

And walking through fear.

I have always felt the depths of ocean

Only to find greedy pirates.

They shared their treasure alright

Only to realize I had a treasure all my own.

As I rise from the abyss I feel so free

Then another current surprises me.

I could fight it or I could float through the sea,

So see what other gifts await me.

Sometimes, I’m scared but I float through the night

Only to see your face in the morning light.

Sacred Initiation

A Goddess came to visit offering an invitation,

An initiation of Sacred Rites.

She had been preparing me for lifetimes and today was the day.

Tears flowed down my face as I had visions from the past greet me in present time.

She delivered a gift,

A Beloved to greet me,

Offering a presence of great magnitude.

A baptism enveloped with healing hands and sacred oil,

Anointing me

Blessing me

And honoring the Goddess that had long been forgotten.

With each mindful touch,

Stroke and caress

Offered great reverence,


Love and respect.

In that moment,

I remembered

Who I AM.

I AM Sacred.

I AM a Goddess.

I AM back.

I Wait

The naked trees, the soft rain, a mirrored reflection.
Stripped bare only to feel the elements of the heart.

She speaks in the wind and dances with the limbs of existence.
Wanting to grasp onto something that is fluid, yet constant.

She dances.

In the wind
In the rain
In the snow.

The heart knows.

It guides her sweet soul
To a place so familiar, yet unknown.
There is the seen and unseen.

She sees it, feels it.
She remembers.

Gravity pulling
Heart knowing
Tears falling

Into a dark expansive hole.
Yet feels the radiance on the horizon.
She’s been told to wait.




It’s there.

Just wait.

Feel the rain
Feel the sun
Dance in the wind.

Feel me there.
I feel you there.
I wait.

The Death of Me.

September 15, 2014

Today, with intention I sip, knowing that openings will present themselves as I drink the sacred cacao as it absorbs in my body. What surfaces is joy, bliss and knowing along with revelations on what is meant to be seen and healed in this present moment. They say this precious plant medicine will open you up and bring you to the door, but it’s up to you to walk through it or not. I was ready to break on through to the other side.

A deep discovery that begs forgiveness.

Puzzle pieces placing themselves together effortlessly in my heart and mind. A past life memory arriving in present time asking, “Do you still love me, even though I took your life?” I sit, in deep love and compassion and say, “Yes, I forgive you and love you always. I did then, and I do now.” The heart never forgets and love never dies. Releasing wounds and stories from our past, in this life and others opens up gates of expansion for deeper love of self and others.

I grieve.

Deep sobs.

Heart busting out of my flesh as I feel what happened then and now. My eyes have become waterfalls of purification in an unplanned baptism of my inner truths gushing out of me. He killed me in another life out of jealously because of a close relationship I had with a woman. It began to make so much sense to me and how it was playing out now.

I will never forget the day I read his words for the first time:

“From the glass door I watch.

The lightning crashes and thunder roars all around while I stand protected by this thin piece of fired sand. I want to step out into the darkness, to feel nature’s fury and take a chance that this life is not yet done with me. I want to leave this place where I feel secure and protected to venture the wild unknown—to get that sense of freedom and knowing that I’m alive.

The voice calls and beckons me to step outside. A bolt sears through the sky illuminating what cannot be seen in the darkness. I can see the highlights of the trees in front of this door as the thunder asks for my answer. I raise my hand to the glass and can see the outline of my hand reflected as if a part of me is outside trying to get in. Is the other me frightened? It the other me asking me to protect him? Or is he asking me to come with him, to venture into the great unknown where the only certainty is uncertainty? Whichever, I stand alone looking at myself in the glass unsure of the steps I’m about to take. I am here, now…not there, then. The reflection of the self I see disappears with each flash of light as the self I wish to be beckons, knowing that whether I’m here or there I am seeking that call of the wild I have heard since the day I was born.

I look around in my box, this place I have built for myself that somehow feels safe. As the storm rages out there I see the beginnings of truth. This box is painful. Each piece of timber laid, each window set, each nail driven a testament to pain. In pain I sought relief—I sought security and I built this place to give me a sense of that. Yet, in a storm such as this we begin to see that each piece of timber, each nail and each shard of broken glass is a weapon against us in the winds of time. Each link of the chain we wrap around ourselves becomes a testament to a lie, and we begin to strangle the very thing we want to be. We weigh ourselves down with a false sense of everything, never knowing what we are because of the boxes and chains we have forced ourselves into. I cannot play in the rain if I’m chained to this place. I cannot see the stars with this roof blocking my view. 

I cannot see the world from the summit of a mountain if I keep myself locked behind these doors. Somehow the wind, rain, lightening and thunder don’t seem as dangerous as this place that’s giving me the illusion of peace and safety. Dying free is better than living under the burden of these things. I want to be free and enjoy this lightness of being. I want to dance in her arms with the rain drenching us. I want to hear her song in the wind, feel her power in the natural state we are in. I need to break free if I’m ever going to get those things I want the most—those things I see when my mind is still and my heart is open. I need to shatter the glass door so the storm can envelope all of this. So that I can never return here. I pick up the hammer I have used so many times before in building this place. It brings back memories I don’t wish to have. I stare at it, wondering where I ever found such a tool, and can’t remember when I ever picked it up. I don’t want it anymore. It needs to be lost in the storm. I look around and smile.

I can’t wait to be free of this place and walking into the unknown. I walk up to the door. I feel a sense of trepidation and relief mixed together in this moment. Soon I will be without shelter. Or will it be the sky is my roof? I chuckle at the thought, somehow knowing… I believe I will have to dodge the wreckage of my illusions, the debris of my mind as it is consumed by out there. I look up, seeing the other me slowly raise the hammer with a look of fear in his eyes and determination in his grip. He hurls the hammer both toward me and away from me at the same time.

I hear the sounds of glass shattering along with the rush of wind and crack of thunder. One of us ceases to be in that moment of great liberation. I am free as the orange tinted clouds betray the dawning of a new day on the horizon. I cry, I laugh, and I dance… I am born.” – Sam Vega

I knew once I read these words, my life would be forever changed. His heart pulled me in like a magnet and I knew that I needed to follow this force if I was going to free myself. I remember when our eyes met for the first time. It was like reuniting with a long lost friend. The room went black and as we embraced I said, “Here I am.”

He replied with a tear in his eye, “You made it.”

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” -C.G.Jung

He walked with me for sometime, showing me vistas and challenging terrain. We loved, we fought and we would always return in love. He came back each time to show me a deeper part of myself.

He came back to save my life.

A revelation and redemption as I was discovering myself again. He pushed me and I let him. I was not a victim in my death, I asked for it. He came back to show me what I am made of and what I deserve in this life. The jealously he felt then, was symbolic of the power I held within.

He came back to crack me open.

He came back to set me free.

He watched me fight for the liberation of me.

I faced death again,

Only so I could live.

To my future partner

I came into this world alone and I will leave it alone, but in between I have been re-writing my happily ever after. It’s not a destination I seek, it’s here and now. I do not need anything or anyone to complete me for I was born beautifully whole. I have walked this earth, I’ve been battered and bruised. I’ve been held in love and held in lies. I have inhaled the grand vistas, walked through the dense jungles, swam the depths of the ocean and found my way through the darkness of night.

I am a warrior.

Yes, I have scars on my flesh and in my heart, but they are not who I am. They are stories, lessons and reminders that have brought me to present moment. They have shown me how far I have traveled.

I will not be defeated by illusion, for I know there is so much more to this existence I see.

I see beyond the stars.

I hear whispers in the wind as she blows through me.

I see reflections in the pools of the eyes that meet mine
And visions that flash in my consciousness.

I talk to nature.

I honor the sun and the moon.

I celebrate fire and rest by the waters edge.

I feel life with ever fiber of my being.

I have eyes of a tiger

And wings of an angel.

My senses are strong, so come in truth with your naked soul. In your vulnerability there is strength beyond measure. I warn you, I am all fire and if you hold back an inch you will burn. We have had heart break. I celebrate it. I realize it has broken me open to the vastness of this existence.

If your heart is closed or you live in fear, I suggest you don’t tread here.

There have been those that have claimed to love me, and I loved them deeply as I welcomed them inside my heart and the flesh of my existence. When I love, I love; it is limitless and never ends. I have had amazing experiences while levitating off my bed and astral-cosmic connections that where out of this world. But I desire that dedicated partner, here and now, in present time to team up and support each other in all our endeavors; healing humanity and living a passionate existence in all ways. A partner where we rock this world together inside and outside of our lovers embrace.

I travel well alone, however, in union there is strength.

I am not easily defined, or caged to one spot.

I like to explore the depths of this world and discover and uncover all that we are.

I am kind, I am tender, I am loyal

And I am fierce.

Love lives here.

You will find me

When you are ready to




Love Lives Here

The moment I read your words, I felt your soul.

It called me.

It moved me so deeply as they were written just for me.

This was the beginning of the liberation of me.

I did not know where I was going but I knew that I needed to fly.

I was not meant for the cage of the existence I was living. I knew there was more. My heart was hungry and the fire that was slowly fading became a raging wild fire. It burned through the lies and ignited the truth and showed me the way, to me, through you. How could you not feel my soul when it guided me to you?

You saw the flames and knew there was no stopping the destruction but you also knew that you had to let me burn, face my fears, my demons and the ghosts that heckled me in the night. You walked me to it, and I thought I may have lost you in the fire, until I saw you through the dense smoke on the other side. You never left me, even when I thought you were gone forever.

How come you still can’t feel my soul?

Maybe you still have guards at the gate.

You love me, but won’t let me in, even though I have let you in time and time again.

You have come to me in rage, you have come to me in love and you have shown your face in my dreams in fear when I felt you gasping for air. I had every intention of letting you go, yet you reappear. I will not force a souls journey. I will not augment the lessons. I will continue to travel with the gifts and beautiful memories in my heart and know that even through the barriers of your heart and mind…

Love lives here.

I wonder if you feel the waves calling you to the sea, as the birds taunt you to fly.

You wish for the depth as you look at the skies. You want to swim as much as you want to fly.

Until the flood gates open, the waves of love crash on the doors of your heart.

On the other side you will see that there is no sky, there is no sea.

There is only you and only me.

Open Up, Let It Out

A few weeks ago I asked a friend about vulnerability — to be able to live in honesty and truth of your life, boundaries, emotions, to push past fear. It’s frightening to live with your heart fully exposed and be honest with yourself and others. I cannot bottle things up. I have discovered that when I do, I become stressed, angry or sick, I am not my best or true self.

Too many people keep things behind locked doors in their heart, consciously or subconsciously and it causes a whole host of problems. Our physical, mental, emotional bodies are all part of our energetic structure as living human organisms. When out of balance, separated or blocked we enter into a state of dis-ease.

We need to honor ourselves, and our emotions. I wanted to share a vulnerable moment with you. These emotions will pass like the clouds in the sky, when the rain falls it will offer cleansing and clarity and healing begins. A new dawn arrives with new awareness, lessons and strength to keep moving forward. We never know the entire story or journey of another soul, but as connected creatures, we are not alone.

We all have hearts, heart breaks and fears. What I know is that our heart is meant to break open fully to expand us to all the possibilities that await us in this lifetime and there is truly nothing to fear. Much Love.

:: Holistic DIVA UNPLUGGED ::

It’s happening. I knew it was coming, the release of tears, the letting go, the pain, sadness and disappointment that has been infecting my soul.

Please leave, I don’t want you here anymore.

I can’t stop loving people, but I want this to leave my body, my mind.

The love will never leave my heart.

I wish I could hold them and kiss them one more time, but that chance I had to do so I was turned away. I know it’s not “me” they turned away, but it still hurts, tears still fall. I kneel in this puddle hoping to be cleansed and renewed.

God dammit… it hurts.

Please release me.

Release me now.

The time is over, contract up.

I want to be free from this fucking sadness, from the toxic lies and manipulation. I sit, soaked, misunderstood and will love in silence.

In silence, I find the love that is mine.

The love that is me.

Love is the Way

Life shows us what we need to see as a gift to open and expand our hearts and minds. Last night, offered me amazing gifts.

I will not live in a man-made prison.

Fear is a killer.

Stress is a killer.

Resentment is a killer.

We are born to be who we are.

Denying our purpose is a killer.

I do not fear death.

I fear a life not lived in the ocean of love and freedom.

People live in fear of so many things, afraid that life will crush them is they open their tender hearts to wide and experience the vastness of this amazing experience we call life.

Crush me open, even more, again and again, so I do not suffer the torment I witnessed last night.

Compassion is key.

Kindness is key.

Forgiveness is freedom.

Love is the way.

It’s gone in a blink.