Life is a Dream

We like to celebrate life with adventures, because that is what life is.  We celebrated my son’s 7th birthday with a trip to the Maryland mountains. Many of our expeditions find us somewhere lost in nature; from swimming in the Chesapeake Bay, to exploring somewhere deep in the woods, floating in the waters of South Florida to hiking the Jaguar Preserve in Belize, drumming with the Garifuna of Hopkins Bay and snorkeling with the creatures near the second largest barrier reef. Life is a beautiful exploration.

His birth was an adventure, at 38 weeks I just could not birth in a hospital. I was determined, we were determined, to have a peaceful, natural birth. I had to find a home birth midwife stat and gather all my supplies to prepare for a VBAC water birth at home. 18 hours of labor I was able to get in the warm tub and work with him and my breath to birth him into this dream.

Seven years later I still remember that momentous day and amazed at how fast the time has gone and what an amazing being my son is. He asked to go camping, so we again, gathered our supplies for our celebration at 1300 feet. Nestled in the Mountains near Camp David, our site was at the highest peak. We set up camp, refueled and headed out on our evening hike.

photo 7

He truly is a wise old soul with a powerful loving heart and free spirit. He is a warrior for this world assisting the rebirth of humanity into a new way of being, a new dream waiting to be discovered in all hearts.

After our hike we got ready to snuggle into our new tent along with his sister and grandmother. It was peaceful, the birds singing us to sleep while they got ready to nest for the night. I got out my journal and asked if I could interview him about that last 7 years of his life.

Me: How have the last seven years been for you?

Son: Awesome! A very good experience. I have had to learn a lot and yeah…”

Me: Tell me about some of your experiences


Son: I learned to talk and walk. I have learned how animals are different, how to ride a bike, swim. I learned to walk on water with my Daddy’s help.

Me: Do you remember when you came to Earth?

Son: I was first a star, then a dot in your belly and I grew into a human. Then I came out into a pool of water.

Me: How was that for you?

Son: It was like I was in the Bay swimming like a fish.

Me: How was it like to be a baby?

Son: When I first arrived I was a little scared.

Me: What were you scared of?

Son: I was scared of all the big humans.

Me: When were you not scared anymore?

Son: When you held me and fed me and you didn’t put me in the cage.

Me: You mean crib?


Son: Yes.

Me: What did you like about being a baby?

Son: I did not get into any fights. I liked being outside and when you would take me on the snooze cruise.

Me: How did you feel about walking?

Son: It was impressive. It was my new talent!

Me: Did you like my homemade baby food?

Son: Kinda, mostly (laughing)

Me: They say 7 is a lucky number. How does 7 feel to you?

Son: It feels lucky to me!

Me: Do you have any goals or intentions this year?

Son: I would like to go to Florida, learn to play guitar and play some smooth jazz.

Wait! I am out of my mind. Ok – I am back. (laughing)

Me: What is the deepest thought you have had?

Son: To fly and visit the other side

Me: Have you been to outer space?

Son: No, I would like to go there on a rocket ship

Me: Do you fly in your Dreams?

Son: Yes!

Me: Where?

Son: I fly to the underworld and sometimes I stop to eat at the diner.

Me: What do you eat at the diner?

Son: Salad, deviled eggs, they have spring water and honey and peanut butter sandwiches.

Me: If you had a message to share with the world what would it be?

Son: Please stop hurting your Mother (Earth), do good things for each other and share. Love each other and remember that life is a dream.

There was a light rain that tapped on our tent during our slumber, a dream within a dream. In the morning, my son was the last one to wake up, when he did we sang him happy birthday and he said, “I am awake in my dream!”


Go forth and multiply in consciousness.

The day will come when she will return, with him, and we rise together in harmony again. The second coming of Christ is the consciousness in the sacred hearts of all beings, the beloved sons and daughters of the cosmos.

The illusion is that we have followed the word that has been lost in translation. We have not followed in signs and symbols and the messages in plain sight. We have followed dogma and doctrine without questioning the origin or deeper meaning. We have not, until now,  followed fully on the true faith in our own hearts and personal experience. It has been taught for ages, yet not fully embodied because we have been fooled that this something is out there.

That something is right here, right now, living and breathing in you. You are the holy ghost incarnate in it’s physical essence. You are the heart, head and hands of the God + Goddess.

Do you accept that as you receive the holy breath that is the divine spirit. The energy unexplained. The essence that knows and guides and loves you so deeply. This, dear hearts, is you, made in the likeness and image.

Be still and know.

The heart-mind made manifest.

The fire in your belly, the breath in your being and the yearning in your heart is waking you up from a deep slumber.

It’s time to rise and shine beautiful hearts.

He said, “Follow me” meaning his example and leaving so many incredible clues to the alchemy that is Tantra. He was/is showing the way towards inner alchemy and the soul’s evolution through the seven gates (chakras), the emotional, mental and spiritual energetic bodies, uniting the feminine and masculine Christ (the sacred marriage) for the ultimate Self- Realization and hu-man ascension, here and now.

“For love is heaven, and heaven is love” ~ Sir Walter Scott

As Dale Allen Hoffman echos, “We are the one’s we have been waiting for.”

It’s time to find your soul, mate.

We are the creators and the destroyers. We are on the Rise to restore our holy heaven known as Earth.


The Divine Garden

And the day will come when the earth with shake and the rain will fall. You will feel her, the energy, the holy spirit move through you and all things and you will shake. As the rain falls you will release purifying tears from your eyes that will help you see the truth of your being and this creation.

The Garden of the Divine (GOD) is blooming once again before our eyes.

Tend to your inner garden, nurture the soil of the soul, and use the weeds for medicine to awaken your senses. Beloveds, bite into the  sacred apple of wisdom once again and see that this is not a sin, but a sacred symbolic gateway of divine responsibility.  It is divine nutrition. Each fruit bears seeds of consciousness. With proper care and responsibility we shall all bloom once again in the Garden of Eden.

Earth is our Eden.

Welcome Home.

Welcome Home.

Love’s Acceptance

I’ve been shown Love, unconditional and true, so why, my dear, am I so afraid of you?

You see, I Loved with all my heart, only to be stripped bare, laying naked, discarded, filled with disappointment and despair. I’ve seen the pure hearts only to be fooled by the mind — that what I longed for was hiding deep inside.

It was buried beneath betrayal, lingering with the lies, wrapped up as abandonment, and violation of my thighs. These are old stories that have taken root in my heart and mind, so it’s foreign to me to be treated so kind.

To be honored with such reverence, compassionate and true, holding space for all my storms and sunsets too.

You’ve witnessed my journey and supported every step, you’ve held me in your wings, my dear, you have never left.
You’ve been here all along, rooting me all the way, and then one day you arrived so I could see your face someday.
You washed away my fears, so that I could see what I have been looking for was the love that was me.

The acceptance of myself, my deserving tender heart…

A memory of healing that will never part.

Gifts of the Sea

I’ve been in the kitchen peeling away layers,

Laying down and unraveling my heart strings.

I have come face to face with the devil

Only to hold the hands of Jesus.

I’ve been intimate with the darkness

Only to appreciate the sun

And the light that unites us as one.

In the ocean of emotion I am tested.

Do I surf the waves or get caught in the undertow?

There is something to be said about battling illusion

And walking through fear.

I have always felt the depths of ocean

Only to find greedy pirates.

They shared their treasure alright

Only to realize I had a treasure all my own.

As I rise from the abyss I feel so free

Then another current surprises me.

I could fight it or I could float through the sea,

So see what other gifts await me.

Sometimes, I’m scared but I float through the night

Only to see your face in the morning light.

Sacred Initiation

A Goddess came to visit offering an invitation,

An initiation of Sacred Rites.

She had been preparing me for lifetimes and today was the day.

Tears flowed down my face as I had visions from the past greet me in present time.

She delivered a gift,

A Beloved to greet me,

Offering a presence of great magnitude.

A baptism enveloped with healing hands and sacred oil,

Anointing me

Blessing me

And honoring the Goddess that had long been forgotten.

With each mindful touch,

Stroke and caress

Offered great reverence,


Love and respect.

In that moment,

I remembered

Who I AM.

I AM Sacred.

I AM a Goddess.

I AM back.

I Wait

The naked trees, the soft rain, a mirrored reflection.
Stripped bare only to feel the elements of the heart.

She speaks in the wind and dances with the limbs of existence.
Wanting to grasp onto something that is fluid, yet constant.

She dances.

In the wind
In the rain
In the snow.

The heart knows.

It guides her sweet soul
To a place so familiar, yet unknown.
There is the seen and unseen.

She sees it, feels it.
She remembers.

Gravity pulling
Heart knowing
Tears falling

Into a dark expansive hole.
Yet feels the radiance on the horizon.
She’s been told to wait.




It’s there.

Just wait.

Feel the rain
Feel the sun
Dance in the wind.

Feel me there.
I feel you there.
I wait.

The Death of Me.

September 15, 2014

Today, with intention I sip, knowing that openings will present themselves as I drink the sacred cacao as it absorbs in my body. What surfaces is joy, bliss and knowing along with revelations on what is meant to be seen and healed in this present moment. They say this precious plant medicine will open you up and bring you to the door, but it’s up to you to walk through it or not. I was ready to break on through to the other side.

A deep discovery that begs forgiveness.

Puzzle pieces placing themselves together effortlessly in my heart and mind. A past life memory arriving in present time asking, “Do you still love me, even though I took your life?” I sit, in deep love and compassion and say, “Yes, I forgive you and love you always. I did then, and I do now.” The heart never forgets and love never dies. Releasing wounds and stories from our past, in this life and others opens up gates of expansion for deeper love of self and others.

I grieve.

Deep sobs.

Heart busting out of my flesh as I feel what happened then and now. My eyes have become waterfalls of purification in an unplanned baptism of my inner truths gushing out of me. He killed me in another life out of jealously because of a close relationship I had with a woman. It began to make so much sense to me and how it was playing out now.

I will never forget the day I read his words for the first time:

“From the glass door I watch.

The lightning crashes and thunder roars all around while I stand protected by this thin piece of fired sand. I want to step out into the darkness, to feel nature’s fury and take a chance that this life is not yet done with me. I want to leave this place where I feel secure and protected to venture the wild unknown—to get that sense of freedom and knowing that I’m alive.

The voice calls and beckons me to step outside. A bolt sears through the sky illuminating what cannot be seen in the darkness. I can see the highlights of the trees in front of this door as the thunder asks for my answer. I raise my hand to the glass and can see the outline of my hand reflected as if a part of me is outside trying to get in. Is the other me frightened? It the other me asking me to protect him? Or is he asking me to come with him, to venture into the great unknown where the only certainty is uncertainty? Whichever, I stand alone looking at myself in the glass unsure of the steps I’m about to take. I am here, now…not there, then. The reflection of the self I see disappears with each flash of light as the self I wish to be beckons, knowing that whether I’m here or there I am seeking that call of the wild I have heard since the day I was born.

I look around in my box, this place I have built for myself that somehow feels safe. As the storm rages out there I see the beginnings of truth. This box is painful. Each piece of timber laid, each window set, each nail driven a testament to pain. In pain I sought relief—I sought security and I built this place to give me a sense of that. Yet, in a storm such as this we begin to see that each piece of timber, each nail and each shard of broken glass is a weapon against us in the winds of time. Each link of the chain we wrap around ourselves becomes a testament to a lie, and we begin to strangle the very thing we want to be. We weigh ourselves down with a false sense of everything, never knowing what we are because of the boxes and chains we have forced ourselves into. I cannot play in the rain if I’m chained to this place. I cannot see the stars with this roof blocking my view. 

I cannot see the world from the summit of a mountain if I keep myself locked behind these doors. Somehow the wind, rain, lightening and thunder don’t seem as dangerous as this place that’s giving me the illusion of peace and safety. Dying free is better than living under the burden of these things. I want to be free and enjoy this lightness of being. I want to dance in her arms with the rain drenching us. I want to hear her song in the wind, feel her power in the natural state we are in. I need to break free if I’m ever going to get those things I want the most—those things I see when my mind is still and my heart is open. I need to shatter the glass door so the storm can envelope all of this. So that I can never return here. I pick up the hammer I have used so many times before in building this place. It brings back memories I don’t wish to have. I stare at it, wondering where I ever found such a tool, and can’t remember when I ever picked it up. I don’t want it anymore. It needs to be lost in the storm. I look around and smile.

I can’t wait to be free of this place and walking into the unknown. I walk up to the door. I feel a sense of trepidation and relief mixed together in this moment. Soon I will be without shelter. Or will it be the sky is my roof? I chuckle at the thought, somehow knowing… I believe I will have to dodge the wreckage of my illusions, the debris of my mind as it is consumed by out there. I look up, seeing the other me slowly raise the hammer with a look of fear in his eyes and determination in his grip. He hurls the hammer both toward me and away from me at the same time.

I hear the sounds of glass shattering along with the rush of wind and crack of thunder. One of us ceases to be in that moment of great liberation. I am free as the orange tinted clouds betray the dawning of a new day on the horizon. I cry, I laugh, and I dance… I am born.” – Sam Vega

I knew once I read these words, my life would be forever changed. His heart pulled me in like a magnet and I knew that I needed to follow this force if I was going to free myself. I remember when our eyes met for the first time. It was like reuniting with a long lost friend. The room went black and as we embraced I said, “Here I am.”

He replied with a tear in his eye, “You made it.”

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” -C.G.Jung

He walked with me for sometime, showing me vistas and challenging terrain. We loved, we fought and we would always return in love. He came back each time to show me a deeper part of myself.

He came back to save my life.

A revelation and redemption as I was discovering myself again. He pushed me and I let him. I was not a victim in my death, I asked for it. He came back to show me what I am made of and what I deserve in this life. The jealously he felt then, was symbolic of the power I held within.

He came back to crack me open.

He came back to set me free.

He watched me fight for the liberation of me.

I faced death again,

Only so I could live.

To my future partner

I came into this world alone and I will leave it alone, but in between I have been re-writing my happily ever after. It’s not a destination I seek, it’s here and now. I do not need anything or anyone to complete me for I was born beautifully whole. I have walked this earth, I’ve been battered and bruised. I’ve been held in love and held in lies. I have inhaled the grand vistas, walked through the dense jungles, swam the depths of the ocean and found my way through the darkness of night.

I am a warrior.

Yes, I have scars on my flesh and in my heart, but they are not who I am. They are stories, lessons and reminders that have brought me to present moment. They have shown me how far I have traveled.

I will not be defeated by illusion, for I know there is so much more to this existence I see.

I see beyond the stars.

I hear whispers in the wind as she blows through me.

I see reflections in the pools of the eyes that meet mine
And visions that flash in my consciousness.

I talk to nature.

I honor the sun and the moon.

I celebrate fire and rest by the waters edge.

I feel life with ever fiber of my being.

I have eyes of a tiger

And wings of an angel.

My senses are strong, so come in truth with your naked soul. In your vulnerability there is strength beyond measure. I warn you, I am all fire and if you hold back an inch you will burn. We have had heart break. I celebrate it. I realize it has broken me open to the vastness of this existence.

If your heart is closed or you live in fear, I suggest you don’t tread here.

There have been those that have claimed to love me, and I loved them deeply as I welcomed them inside my heart and the flesh of my existence. When I love, I love; it is limitless and never ends. I have had amazing experiences while levitating off my bed and astral-cosmic connections that where out of this world. But I desire that dedicated partner, here and now, in present time to team up and support each other in all our endeavors; healing humanity and living a passionate existence in all ways. A partner where we rock this world together inside and outside of our lovers embrace.

I travel well alone, however, in union there is strength.

I am not easily defined, or caged to one spot.

I like to explore the depths of this world and discover and uncover all that we are.

I am kind, I am tender, I am loyal

And I am fierce.

Love lives here.

You will find me

When you are ready to