Below is the beginning of my new book. I share this brief draft so you can be sacred witness to me crossing the threshold into new territory.
I welcome you on my personal journey of Alice in Wonderland meets the Wizard of Oz. Throw in a Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe with a little Eat, Pray, Love and 50 Shades of Grey. These are personal stories from a body of wisdom of current reality and beyond, I am here to marry the seen and unseen, spirit and matter, the mystical and the practical, the light and the dark of our existence. I have always danced between worlds striving to find balance and a way to integrate them both without denying one or the other. I think of how I begin my sessions with clients. I meet them where they are and we embark on a journey not sure where it may go or where the rabbit hole may lead.
For many years I have felt I have a book in me, several actually. I have had many stops and starts. I’ve been battling fear of judgement and the inner-outer critic. Every time I share a piece of my story I get affirmation that I need to share more, share it all. I have had many messengers on my path dropping clues and encouraging me. One told me, “Don’t worry about what others think – just do it.” Another telling me “Just speak your mind. There are many that need to hear you.” I realize there has been so much fear bottled up in me.
When I think I have faced all my fears this one gets me every time. I was in medicine ceremony and the message came again and again to write. The message had always been to write, share, teach what I know. I even have tears in my eyes right now as I type and my body is responding so I know this to be true.
I’ve been inspired by so many to share my stories and yet I’ve been held back in silent and subconscious terror. I met a Lion that ushered in the invitation of courage. I later saw a post from a writer/publisher, Marc Allen that said, “Just begin.” I had recently been sitting on the couch at a close friends house looking at books and I get more signs. I open up to a book by Swami Rama, thinking, so many of the sages, seers and mystics stories are similar to mine. I yell out loud, “What am I afraid of!?”
A dear women I met in a workshop I facilitated, shared her story with many parallels to mine, and I sat in my bed reading her words, listening to the birds and realized, it’s time.
A deep breath, more tears, the most vulnerable thing I have done in my life. The Lion said, “We all have our stories…” he is right and and it’s time to share mine.
“Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Fear is one the the seven demons for us to face. Fear is a conditioned construct of our psyche based on our experiences, thoughts and beliefs. When we think of psyche we think of the mind, however in Greek psyche means soul. When we take that step in to the doorway of our being and connect the mind and body utilizing our heart we are working with our soul. It’s our own Pandora’s box, our subconscious hidden drives and aspects that steers our lives until we become conscious of the energy that moves us in the choices we make.
If I am going to walk my talk I need to share my story fully. I have written in many forms and mediums over the span of my life, but this is a different beast. I open up the box and bleed out my life story as a mystic, and honoring who I am in a place where many don’t understand.
Many years ago, one of my mentors knew I was deeply distraught about a certain change at work. He is a busy man, but has always made time for me valued my input and insights. I remember walking down the hallway and I could see him in his office on the phone. We both travelled quite a bit, but always took a moment to check in. He waved me in his office and signaled me to sit down. Once he got off the phone he looked at me and said, “What’s going on?” I shared with him in brief and he instructed me to pick up a book off his bookshelf and locate a particular page to read out loud.
“I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always … so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”
― Yann Martel, Life of Pi
Tears started to fall from my eyes, he handed me a tissue and said a few more wise words and sent me on my way. That day changed me. I also knew deep down everything was going to work out and it did.
I am taking the step I have hesitated for years. For my mystical inner child that has always wanted to be seen and heard, I am granting her this wish and it scares the shit out of me. We have been telling stories since the beginning of time. Some that help us grow and some that hold us back. Stories can take us on a journey outside our own personal reality, evoke emotion, and create healing. They invite us to see and learn something from a different perspective or experience, even if some of them are hard to believe. Stories unite us all no matter our race, color, creed or nationality. I have been in hiding and officially coming out and welcoming back part of me that has been quiet for far too long. My hope and intention that these stories inspire, support healing, expand awareness, unite and evoke something from deep within. To awaken any pieces that have been hiding or silent within you, so that you too can stand tall with all that you are and share your gifts and story with us. I thank you for taking this journey with me.
More to come. Stay updated with the process and progress. Sign up for email updates at www.cassandrabellarei.com